Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
