so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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