hotel room ftw
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
