So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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