I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She bit a glass in half.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
