Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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