when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Randomize
