at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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