Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
