You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
