did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
