Your tits are I can't wait for
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize