dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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