Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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