you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
