Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize