Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
