i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
