So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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