Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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