He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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