Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
