using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
