i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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