the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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