If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
