I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
