carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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