Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
