you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My Higher Power is John Stamos
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
