Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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