I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
