i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
