Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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