There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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