considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
