i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
