I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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