I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize