the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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