i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
