I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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