I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
