i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont even know how to be here
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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