brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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