Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
