tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
