She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
