You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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