Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
