By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
