I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
