Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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