You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
