so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
