my phone needs a breathalizer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
