drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
