Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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