shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize