I've blown a few things in my day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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