508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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