i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
