her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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