Christians are straight up FREAKS
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
