Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
