The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
