I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
