You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
